The thought had never occurred to me when I was younger that anything should ever be held back in a relationship. Your spouse is your soul-mate. There should be no secrets. It wasn’t until I spoke with a friend who was in her second marriage that I began questioning that school of thought.
She explained that she went through great pains (literally) to never fart in front of her spouse. She didn’t pluck her eyebrows in front of him, God forbid chin hairs. Nor had she ever peed with the bathroom door open. She vehemently believed that a woman maintaining an element of mystery keeps a man captivated. Reveal too much information, especially as it relates to bodily functions, and a man’s imagination and curiosity are stifled. Continue to feed his sense of wonder, and you can revisit the honeymoon stage almost indefinitely.
I only recalled the conversation I had with this woman because of a recent outing I had with a group of close friends. We were gabbing about our workouts when one of the women said, “I’m taking a butts and guts class and spend the whole 45 minutes trying not to fart. That’s worth 100 calories right there.”
Her making that confession was like firing a starting gun. Our conversation was off and running. I heard someone admit, “I have a catalogue of farts.” Front farting and back farting were listed. Another woman chimed in with, “What about sex farting?” to which nearly all acknowledged as having shamefully experienced by responding with laughter. This led to a discussion on whether or not we pass wind in front of our spouses. A couple of us claimed that we don’t fart around family (or at least try not to). Others claimed that not only do they fart around their spouse, but sometimes there’s friendly competition. One woman joked, “I think its musical. We’re working toward a duet.”
Yet while the conversation was all grins and giggles, it seriously made me wonder … is there such a thing as sharing TMI with your spouse or significant other? Does modesty disappear with marriage or commitment?
Women who have had children joke that modesty with their spouse goes out the window with childbirth. But does it have to disappear forever? I mean, should the miracle of giving birth (or for men, the act of witnessing it) entitle spouses to use the excuse “I’ve seen it all” as a free pass to proudly “drop ass” wherever they’d like? Is it wise for your relationship to display other actions that, if in a room with strangers, would be deemed disgusting?
I don’t know that there is a right answer to that question. But I do know that personally, my point of view on publicly subjecting my spouse to some of my more private activities may have changed. Here are some easy things that I think that all of us can do to help restore some modesty in our relationships.
find more information Ladies, don’t ask him to look for that lost tampon or check your hemorrhoid. That’s right. I said lost tampon. Don’t even pretend that you haven’t had one of those magical moments where you can’t recall whether or not you removed it yet the string has “just disappeared!” And to my friend who asked her husband to check her hemorrhoid (you know who you are), while the story was hilarious and challenged the strength of my bladder muscles, perhaps future exposures should be avoided. The point is, when it comes to some private matters with your, well, privates…there are doctors for that kinda thing.
continue reading this Rinse the soap before you leave the shower. You read right. Clean the soap. If that doesn’t make sense to you, then you’ve obviously never picked up a bar of soap embedded with a “pubie.” If that’s the case, consider yourself lucky. It’s hard to feel clean when you know where the soap has most recently ventured. (Excuse me while a shiver goes down my spine even thinking about this.)
Keep your moustache removal method to yourself, ladies. And men, manscape alone. I nearly scared my son to death one night walking around wearing my deploritory cream. Despite that, I still violate this rule on occasion due to the length of time the task requires. I’m planning to just give out a warning and let the boys decide for themselves if they want to be subjected. But I think it goes without saying that with the exception of men shaving their face, hair removal, anywhere on the body, for either gender, should be kept behind closed doors when possible.
Don’t show off how much dead skin collected in your PedEgg. Even if it’s an amount for the record books and you’re convinced the PedEgg is the invention of the century, just don’t.
Clean up after your morning ritual. People have their pooping patterns. You don’t need to leave evidence to prove it. And men, amazingly, a toilet brush works in toilet bowls at any time, not just during your wives’ weekend cleaning sprees.
Don’t pluck your chin hairs or eyebrows while you’re both in the car. My facial hair plays hide and seek like a boss. Most days I walk out the door in the morning and actually think I’m fairly well groomed. Yet all it takes is a moment at a stoplight with the sun hitting just right for the rear-view mirror to reveal a record-long eyebrow hair that’s gone rogue. Where it was when I was putting on mascara I have no idea. But the sun puts an awesome spotlight on facial hair so I say, ladies, pluck away when you get those wonderful moments during sunrise. Perhaps just spare your spouse from the experience.
Whew. Well, I said it didn’t I?! If before this you wondered whether or not your relationship has lost its modesty, I’m thinking that your ability to finish reading this post might help answer that question. While writing it, I had moments where I felt I needed to turn away. But maybe those feelings of disgust are a good sign. Perhaps it’s hope that I may be able to restore some semblance of modesty. Yeah, that’s it. That’s how I’m going to look at it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go pop that zit on my husband’s back.